The Voice I do not Dream of
by acollectionoffavoritequotes
Summary: Raoulerik yes, slash raoul hears a voice, and wonders about this ghost...this OG COMPLETE
1. Part the First

**I have seen Phantom of the Opera 3 times, as well as the play in seattle a while ago, and the book is somewhere on my long 'to read' list /glances over at the overflowing bookshelf/ as in...very long. But, I was watching it the third time, and I decided I needed to write some sort of slash for it. Henceforth... **

**And yes, this IS slash, m/m realtionship, angst, all that good stuff. I can't write much else, well, I could, but i don't want to.

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PART THE FIRST **

I hadn't seen her since we were small, and how she'd grown! And how she could sing! I'd missed her over the years; she had been one of my dearest friends. I didn't care about her that way, I never had. That is, until he came, him with all his damn complications and problems. All the confusing things he brought with him.

I first heard his voice when he was calling to you after I'd invited you to supper, hoping to catch up on all the years apart. But then, I found the door locked, and a strange voice on the other side, calling you. The angel of music. And I could hear why you called him that.

There was something in that voice when I first heard it that time. Something that woke up and screamed at me. It was strange really. It scared me too. No feeling so strong should be wakened by a voice, not even one such as his. It scared me more than I wanted to admit. It frightened me so.

I carried that something inside me for the next day, pondering on it, and the note in my hand. The flowering script, the red skull (subtle, really subtle there) and the O.G. added as if in an afterthought. The note rested warm in my pocket for a while, and I was loath to let it go to those two fools, who read it and seemed as frightened as I felt.

Which was foolish really, what was there to be frightened of? Nothing, a ghost.

A ghost.

Nothing more.

A ghost.

A voice that one could fall in love with.

... Wait, what did I just think?

Fall. In love. With a voice. No. Nah-uh. Not possible. I was not...

I saw him. I'm not sure if anyone else did, but I glimpsed him as he disappeared. And I heard his voice again. Dear lord, no one should have a voice like that. Especially no man such as he.

Christine dragged me up to the roof of the opera house shortly therefore, clamming to have seen his face, his horrible face, with me denying his existence. For if he was real...

I had to tell myself he was not, for if he was, then these feelings, these feelings I should not be feeling. So, telling myself I did not have such feelings, I latched myself onto Christine. I wanted her to stop from wanting you.

I saw you again, on that rooftop, I saw you watching us. And I told myself I loved her, not you, not your voice. Besides, she was beautiful, and a dear friend. What more could you ask for in a wife?

You, on the other hand, did you even have a name to be called by?

Even if you do not, I want you. I wonder what it would be like to have you holding me... What it would feel like to lie together...

No. I love her, I love Christine.

I do not want you and your voice that makes me feel strange just hearing it.

I did not fall in love with you through your voice.

I did not fall in love with you.

**

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**raoul is at stage one, denial. yeah, about halfway through writing this, i saw the movie again. I LOVE THAT MOVIE! ok... so yeah, review, i thingk erik and raoul make a good pairing, flame me if you like...**

**More to come. this is planned as a 3 part story from raoul's POV**


	2. Part the Second

**whatevergirl: thank you...i forgot how to spell her name and i was teird...glad you enjoyed it. **

**Kytten:so glad it was believeable, and yes, poto sorely lacks many slash fics...i shall probably write several, if my friend doesn't kill me first...**

**Blaze/reads review and almost falls off chair laughing so hard/ you were the second person to tell me that that same day..and i am well aware of this fact, but i enjoy my insanity so...**

**lotr: it's the cd that gave me the images to write this...and i don't care if you say something bad...it just makes me laugh...**

**jokarynn : yeah yeah yeah...stop being so full of yourself must...change...penname... **

**inkie pinkie: i am so sorry you've only seen it once... my friend's seen it 10 times and she wants to see it again... i saw it 6 though,... and have the cd...happy! stage two shall be in this chapter.. as well as stage three**

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PART THE SECOND

Why did I jump after you? I really don't know.

Three months. Three goddamn months. I'd finally forced myself to forget you, or as near to forgetting you as possible, and was ready to move on with Christine ... And you came back.

Damn you, you came back. Why? Why must you do this to me? Do you even know that you're doing it? I doubt it. But, at any rate, I jumped after you. I saw you in your maze of mirrors, and then later when Giry told me of your past.

No wonder. Really, no one has a right to blame you for being the way you are. But you do take it a bit far. I guess if one lived your life, then found one they loved, and then had that person reject them...

Yet, I love you.

I would show you what love can feel like, what one can do with the night...

And you love her. Everyone does, including me in my own way. Not like I want you.

Then, at the graveyard, I would've killed you. I WANTED to kill you. I wanted you to go away, to leave me, to take all this confusion and pain away. I wanted to see you defeated, because you've defeated me without trying. And, when you had be under you, for the brief second, when you cut me...

I would've gladly died then.

Instead, I rolled away from you, and fought you again. My heart was weeping.

And, you know what? I really, really hate you right now. But, at the same time, I think I might love you more than I did. Damnit, why are you so damn confusing? Why can't I sleep anymore because I'm always thinking of you?

What the hell have you done to me?

I hate you I hate you I hate you.

I have to keep telling myself that I hate you, for the other alternative would be...

But I hate you, so it's not possible I love you and wonder what it would be like to...

Since I hate you, I don't wonder. I don't.

I don't...

I do.

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**amazinly short...but i swear the next one will be longer! cuz that's the part with the most contact between raoul and erik /very big eveil grin/ mwhahahahaha! i just finished the book... jesus... **

**state two: saying he hates rather than loves, then stage 3: finally freaking acepting it**


	3. Part the Third

**jokarynn: well...he's not going to come out happy... and he didn't know he was 'gay' persay... and he loves christine like a friend.**

**inkie pinkie: i love that song! yeah, we have the movie soundtrack and original cast too, i havemost of it memorized...loveitloveitloveit! and no,nothing happens really...just wistful thinking, but i have plans for a story when something does so...**

**Jamny: you sound like my one friend... interstingis a good word to describe me, she uses it often when refering to anything i write.**

**whatevergirl: of course he does!**

**lotr: hell yeah i'm writing more! ihave an entire chap planned out already(they so are)**

**Kytten: yeah... but i decided i had to write aboutwhen they were all down there in the pahntom's lair...**

**Me-Ladie: updating...**

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PART THE THIRD

It was the night they were to show your play. Your masterpiece. Christine was to be used to lure you out so we could end your reign of terror.

I had never been so restless in my life. The day before your opera was to be sung was spent pacing and numerous other such activities. I couldn't wait, yet I never wanted night to fall.

I would damn you again, but you must be damned enough by now. Damn you anyway, you deserve it. Or do I? Argh! Not again! Stop making me argue with myself...

Oh. My. God.

You really need to be damned. Again and again and again.

I sat in Box 5 -your box- waiting for the play to start, then for you to appear, and when you did, coming from where Pangi had just disappeared, I wished I was anywhere but where I was. You looked right at me. Just a brief second, but you looked right at me. As if I needed anymore butterflies in my stomach. Then, you became submerged in your singing, and in Christine and your desire for her.

It hurt. What hurt most though, was when you held her, and ... erm... where ... holding her... the only thing I could think of was what it would be like if it was me you where holding, me who you were singing to of seduction and passion plays.

If there is a heaven, you must be in it. You are called the Angel of Music.

No matter how many times I may want to damn you, you belong there, which is why you are so strange here, for no heaven born creature was ever meant to walk on Earth. All I wanted in that moment was for you to be looking at me that way you looked at her when she gave into you.

Everything, everything you'd ever done or ever will, doesn't matter.

I think I love you.

I don't think, actually. Not anymore. Of course, it hurts more now.

Even when she pulls your mask off, even when the theater erupts into screams, I didn't think you ugly. Well, maybe a bit, but compared to some people out there... Besides, beauty is only so much. You were like night and day, one half perfect, the other scarred. The half moon.

The chandelier crashed, and I ran to find Madame Giry, hoping she could lead me to you. No matter what happened tonight, this would be it.

Following her down the twisting corridors, the corridors of your mind, I wondered. What it might have been like if the world hadn't hated you.

Finally, after falling and nearly drowning, I came to your hidden home.

"I had rather hoped that you would come. And now my wish comes true. You have truly made my night!" You were taunting me. You had every right to, I guess, but I wish you didn't.

Not that wishing will get me anywhere.

"I love her. Does that mean nothing? I love her. Show some compassion." A foolish and stupid plea, I know. But I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"The world showed no compassion to me!"

I know, I know that, but must you prove them all right? I begged you to let me see her, and, this is what scared me, you let me in. What the hell were you planning?

"Monsieur, I bid you welcome. Did you think that I would harm her? Why would I make her pay for the sins which are yours?"

What did you mean by that? By then my question was answered when you picked up the lasso from your lake and threw it at me. Naturally, by then it was to late to do anything but let you slam me up against the gating that had closed behind me.

"Order your fine horses now! Raise up your hand to the level of your eyes! Nothing can save you now, except perhaps Christine! Start a new life with me! Buy his freedom with your love! Refuse me, and you send your lover to his death! This is the choice, this is the point of no return!" I nearly died right then, not because of the rope around my neck, I was not afraid of that. I was, however, very aware of how close he was, and how he threw me against the wall, pressing against me while tying me. It meant nothing to him, but to me, it was everything, every moment of my life was for this. You know what? It probably meant nothing to you other that a way to get Christine.

"So do you end your days with me or do you send him to his grave?" sang after a while. Most of what was being said, even by myself, wasn't important anymore.

"Why make her lie to you to save me?" Why make her lie when I wouldn't? I would love you so much, care for you so much, if you'd let me. Not that you ever will, but I would.

"Pitiful creature of darkness, what kind of life have you known? God give me courage to show you, you are not alone..." What was she saying now? Why was she waling toward him and why...?

Oh god. Please, no. Don't let this be happening, don't let her be kissing him, don't make me watch this. But I can't do anything else. I'm not sure if I want to look away. All I can see is their lips... together, all I can do is stare at them, wishing... Wishing again that it was me there, me telling him he could be loved.

But it's not, and it never will be.

"Go now - go now and leave me!"

I don't want to leave you. But I do. Why are my feet caring me away? I want to turn around, and run back and... And what? What could I possibly do? You hate me.

Ah, but I, I love you.

And that makes all the difference.

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**yes, i do have plans for a sequel of sorts (to this) after the movie. like, when raoul comes back to find the 'phantom' and yes, there will be lots more angst, rejection (lots and lots of) and making out! yay! finally! **

**my dad was saying how he thought the only weak part was when raoul let himself get tied up and iw as kinda like 'it's because he's enjoying the sensations too much to fight!' **


	4. Chapter One of part Two

**lotr: yeah, ok, i'd lety my dad read this, i'd only be banned FOREVER**

**me-ladie: i'm so glad you liked how i did that... **

**jokarynn: you love raoul so much, no? geez...don't worry, the phantom will yell...the first time at least**

**Jamy: well...this isn't soon persay...but at least it's being updated**

**Kytten: you see, i had his motives in when i wote this as a short page long one-shot... i guess it didn't work as well in here, oh well, i shall try to get them in more**

**luisadeza: yay! my metaphor was noticed! **

**ok, i decided just to contuine the story on this file, instead of creating a new story, but this is book two, persay, of it. it won't all be from raoul's point of veiw any more, and you'll tell this by seeing 'roual' 'erik' or 'third'. ok then, on to the long in coming next chapter**

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CHAPTER ONE (of part two) 

(raoul)

Several months have passed, the Opera House lies in ruins, and I finally thought I'd gotten over my hopeless obsession. I had, really, I had, that is until she left. Really, I should've expected this, I mean, she left him at a glance, why not me? Yes, we had something going, but it was the love of brother and sister, not the passion of lovers.

Damn sailor.

I stood before the old burned opera house, staring at it sadly. It suddenly looked so old and breakable. Of course, it was only a burned out husk that'd been abondoned but really...

Was I going insane?

Most likely.

What other reason wouldI possibly have to be standing here, about to enter that place I'd told myself I'd never return to? Yup, I'm going crazy.

Stalling for a few more minutes, I contuined to look at the old opera. If I was going to go through withthis stupid plan, I might as well.

(erik)

I heard something moving, and I doubted it was a rat. But that was odd, no one'd been in here since... Since then. I'd rather not think about that. So, why was there someone here?

Sighing, I really didn't want to be distracted, I rose and headed up to the empty house.

Of all the people, I hadn't thought to see HIM here. Wasn't he off gloating? Or had he come here to gloat in my face? I wish I had my lasso. But,I might as well see why he was here. I could always kill him later.

(third)

Raoul nearly jumped through the roof when he heard the voice. "What are you doing?"

He came here hoping to see him again, but he didn't think he actully would. "Is that you?"

"Is this who?"

"Phantom?"

Erik nearly feel off the roff beam he was on.

"I repeat," he snarled. "What are you doing here? Come to gloat?"

Silence drifted up from below. He would never have heard the faint "No," if he hadn't been listening closely.

"Then what are you here for?"

"I... She... She left."

"... " Erik was at a loss for words, for once. "What do you mean, left?"

"She ran away with someone else."

"So you come running to me for comfort? Brillant plan, boy."

Erik turned to leave, still on the rafters above the boy's head, until Raoul called out, "What is your name?" He whirled, and promtly fell off the thin beam. He rightened himself before hitting the ground, but a breath away from Raoul.

"What?" he asked, disbeliefing.

"I ...I ... I was ...Wondering...If... you had a ... name..." Raoul hadn't been prepared to suddenly find the phantom so close. It did nothing for his nerves...

"What is it to you?"

"I ...was just...wondering..." Erik's eyebrows shot up at the choked tone the boy was using.

"...Erik. Now, go away and never come back," he turned to leave again, and again, Raouls' question stopped him.

(raoul)

"What are you doing here?" Damnit, don't I know when to keep my mouth shut? Seeing The Phan- Erik, whirl on my with a look of pure rage was enough to tell me I'd overstepped some boundry.

"What does it matter to you?" Also, when someone's voice had lowered to something barely above a growl, that wasn't a good sign. I am such an idiot when it comesto him.

"I... I thought you'd left... After..." Great. Remind him of that. He is going to kill me. Though, would that really be so bad? I didn't have anything worth living for, exept him, and that was not going to ever happen, no matter how many times I wished.

The Phan- Erik, was looking at me oddly. "There was no where else to go."

(erik)

There was something wrong with this whole picture. First, he was still alive. Secondly, I was actully talking to him and-lord forbid, what am I thinking?- telling him something that he doesn't need to know.

I turned, again, this time really meaning to leave, when he grabbed me arm, once again stopping me from leaving. I could easliy break his arm, but for some reason that was low on my list of things to do.

What was wrong with me?

(third)

The two stood there, bathed in silence, for a long time. Raoul began to shiver under Erik's cold gaze. "I..."

"You what?" the Pahntom hissed.

Suddenly, as if realizing what he'd done, Raoul dropped Erik's arm as if it was on fire. "Uh...I ... Didn't... Uh..."

Blushing, the boy turned his face awya from Erik's eyes. "Right," he muttered. "I am insane..."

Erik frowned. "Why did you come here?"

"Because... I..." He's hadn't meant to stammer again, but when he turned his head back to look at the Phantom, he couldn't remember what it was he'd meant to say. Both men where standing there, froozen, very close. Silence streched to the breaking point, and pasted it, without either moving or saying a word. "I..."

What was there for him to say? He loved Erik beyound anything he ever had loved before, or that he wanted the man so much it hurt seeing him?

Besides that, there was nothing he could say or do. Why had he come here? Because he wanted him still, months later, and was sick of waking up in the middle of the night dreaming about him. Damnit, he'd had enough.

So, when the silence streched again, when it looked like Erik was aobut to turn and leave, forever, he couldn't let him. "Love is just hate with it's back turned."

For the fourth time, Erik stoped and turned around again. "What is THAT suposed to mea-"

He was cut off by Raoul kissing him.

Spurr of the moment thing, really.

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**finally. jesus i am so lazy... but, it's done. who knows when the next chapter will be up... yeah, that thing raoul said, love is just hate with it's back turned, is from the Terry Pratchett book, Maskerade. go read it. it's phantom of the opera satire. and he's a great athur. **


	5. Chapter Two

**Kytten: yes, there is more. as aparent with this...**

**lotr: ...eep**

**me-ladie: i planned on it being serius, but i was really hyper when writting it and it turned out otherwise. glad you found it funny, i had so much fun writting it**

**emeraldwolf: it is rather amusing isn't it? (i have too much fun writting this) **

**jokarynn: you had a vaild point, i do not need two stalkers...henceforth, here's your update...and yelling included. but no arm-breaking**

**Kauzlein: 1. very glad you like it and 2. my computer hates me and doesn't HAVE a workign spellchecker, sides, mesa too lazy...**

**lonz: updating**

**sbkar: yes, it is very fun writing erik/raouls slash, and mesa so glad you lie it so much :D makes me feel warm and fuzzy**

**ok, i'm listenign to Billy Ocen right now while writting this, so this might be a bit on the odd side...

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Chapter Two

(raoul)

It was... hard to describe. And it lasted far too short a time. Of course, considering you hated me, I'd taken everything from you, and I had just kissed you, it was amazing it lasted as long as it did.

You drew back abruptly, probably as soon as his brain registered exactly what was happening. It was so odd and unexpected it'd most likely taken you a while. And that while was all I was ever going to get. Considering you were seething.

I was going to die. But right now, I really don't care that much. Too busy dealing with the swarm of emotions suddenly going haywire.

(erik)

What the hell just happened?

(third)

Raoul stood with his head slightly bowed, working on bringing his body to heel, while Erik was half-crouched several feet away, confused and, as he usually was, becoming angry. He wasn't fond of being confused.

"What. The. Hell. Was that?" he growled at the vicomte.

Blushing insanely, the boy didn't answer. "You...just... you... WHY? WHAT? HOW?"

"Do you really want to know?" Raoul whispered miserably.

"YES!"

Raoul winced. "No you don't."

"If I didn't, vicomte, I wouldn't have asked," Erik hissed.

Said vicomte looked pained. Erik could've cared less. Now was not the time to worry about the boy's feelings; he wanted answers. First being, what was the boy thinking when he... he... Damnit. He was NOT going to say it. Yes he was. When the boy... did...that. Erik felt like slamming his head against something.

Sucking in a deep breath, Raoul felt like running, far, far away. Anywhere else. Just to be away from all these thoughts and desires. But he'd tried that before, and it hadn't worked. It'd ended up like this. And now the object of his...thoughts, was demanding to know why he'd kissed him.

"IdiditbecauseIloveyouandhaveforaverylongtimeevenwhenshewasstillhereandIthinkIalways  
willloveyouandIcouldn'thelpfromkissingyouatleastthisoncebecauseI'vewantedto  
forsolongandyouareprobablygoingtokillmenowbutevenwhenyouwherethreateningto  
killmeIlovedandwantedyousomuch."

Eyes budging, Erik stared at the vicomte in shock. He hadn't understood every word said, but the gist had made itself clear. What was he supposed to say to that? WAS there anything to say? No. Of course, being him, being the Phantom, he did the only thing he could think of. "Get out."

It was Raouls' turn to be shocked. "Wha?"

Erik's eyes blazed suddenly. "GET OUT! GET AWAY FROM ME! NEVER COME BACK HERE AGAIN! JUST LEAVE! NEVER TOUCH ME! EVER! NEVER THINK ABOUT TOUCHING ME! IF I EVER FIND YOU HERE AGAIN I'LL KILL YOU! GET OUT!"

Raoul recoiled, eyes wide. "I..."

"OUT!"

The vicomte fled.

Raoul lay on his back in the darkness, arms behind his head, trying not to think about... him. He was failing. The darkness only heightened the memories. The feel of...NO! He would not...But it'd felt so... No. Nonononononononono... Damnit, he still wanted more.

Rolling over, he cried into the pillow. It wasn't fair, but life rarely is.

Erik paced. He'd tried his music, but when he played it, all he got was images of warmth and life and love, not the dark and cold he was trying for in the opera he'd been writing since ...she left. But now it looked like the opera was about to turn into a cheap, soppy love story.

The Phantom began snapping his fingers as he paced. What was it about that damn boy that made his thoughts fly everywhere? He couldn't think straight to save his life at the moment! He suddenly found himself stopped in front of the Swan Bed he'd never slept in. He gently touched the red velvet sheet, rubbing it with one hand. With a snarl, he dropped the sheet and whirled on his organ.

The music started out anger and loud, full of rage, but slowly mellowed into a ballad of loss and fear, of missing something. Erik snarled again, before slowly resting his head against the keys. That boy... That... Feeling...

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**ah, poor erik. more coming...someday...maybe... (it will)**

**3/4 went through and proofread... hope this works... **


	6. Chapter Three

**OH MY GOD! I AM NOT DEAD YET! I have just not updated in forever... **

**me-ladie: yes, erik is rather to the point isn't he?**

**Kytten: ... ah...the dreaded proof-read...very well**

**sbkar; yes, erik isn't fond of the sappy love opera... but i am**

**Jamy; ...well...this isn't soon/bangs head against keyboard/ but it;s here... **

**whatevergirl: of course erik will comfort him! whoever woudl otherwise?**

**jokarynn: inforgently, erik probably will fall in love...maybe...but he will yell...**

**luisadeza: i am honored and am so happy you actully like this! Your review mad me feel all warm and fuzzy inside**

**lotr; yes well,... feel loved, your death threat on friday is partly what motivated me...and the fact the dvd is coming out!**

**emeraldwolf: we do need more slash...have you written anyyet?**

**inkie pinkie; your wish is my comand, i'm writing more...finally...**

**wow. I hade a lot of reviews...**

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Chapter Three 

(erik)

This was just downright silly. I'd spent the last three hours glaring death at my score. I WAS GLARING AT PAPER! Ok, I need to calm down...Or yell. Really, anything is better than trying to panjab paper...

This was INSANE.

Sighing, I grabbed the nearest cloak, and headed for the above world, despartly needing something... But what?

(raoul)

I don't think I moved in the last hour. No, two- maybe even three- hours. I just lay, face burried in one of the overly large pillows scattered all over my room, wishing, hoping, dreaming mostly. I wanted to go back. Really, I wanted to see you again.

Eyes shut against the world, I kept seeeing you, eyes wide, shocked. I almost laughed remembering, but it was an insane laugh. One bred to hide pain. I was going insane, becuase of you. Your voice.

This was getting really sad.

I was sad.

Hopless.

I buried myself deeper into the pillow.

(erik)

I slipped from shadow to shadow, not really knowing where I was going -not caring either- until I found myself in front of the Vicomte's house.

Oh shit.

How'd that happen?

(raoul)

I didn't respond in the least to the sharp clang outside my window. I did, however, respond the the abrupt yelp of pain. Jerking upright, I found Erik glowering from my window. I lept form the bed to yank open the window, letting him in- and vast amounts of rain. "Erik," I breathed softly, not daring to believe it was reallyhim standing there, looking very unhappy.

"What?"he snapped. It sounded as if something had happened that wasn't suposed to. I guess that fact was glaring actully, why wouldhe be here ifhe was in his right mind?

"You're here..."

"I noticed that! I also happen to be sopping wet, in your bedroom, I couldn't write music to save my life at the moment, I can't think, at all, I keep imagining your face damnit, I'm sopping wet, I'm repeating myself-"he stopped abruptly. "I hate you."

"What did I do?" I asked, trying to sound innocent.

"BESIDES take the one I loved away and then kiss me? Nothing, nothing what so ever," he hissed.

I fell silente. Erik, on the other hand, was still glowering. "You're blamming me for this all why...?" I ventured finally.

"Because it's your fault for ...everything!"

"How?" I demanded, suddenly defensive.

"Your the one who took her away, your the one who lost her, your the one who came into my opera house and kissed me!"

"Don't act like you didn't enjoy it!"

I was going to die. Thats whathis eyes told me, after they got over being wide in shock. "How could I have enjoyed THAT?"

"You haven't killed me yet."

"And what if I'm getting to it?" Erik asked coldly.

I shrugged. "Then do so."

"You don't care?" Erik asked me, musical voice sounding dead.

I shrugged again. "Not really. What's the point." In staying if I can't have you? I added to myself.

The look he gave me, that one where he was trying to puzzle something out, made me want- very badly- to kiss him again.

"Sing?" I asked suddenly. He turned away from me.

"I haven't sang since that night. The music is dead."

(erik)

That stupid, vain, boy.

Sing for him? Why would I sing for HIM? He's the one to blame for the death of the Music of the Night. Isn't he?

Then why do I feel it blooming inside me again when I watch him?

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**I rewrote that chapter So many times. I just can not write it where I'm happy with it. gr. I still don't like it much, but oh well, I AM GOING TO UPDATE!**

**In other news, this story got nominated at www freewebs. com/ phanphicawards, and I think the voting will start around the 17th. Though really, you should vote for The Dariy of and Erik, which is in my favorite stories, which is SO FUNNY(even if it's not slash). **


	7. Chapter Four

**xXzerocoolXx: yes, well, as you can tell form my review of your story, i don't mind that much, not at all really. So keep writing!**

**me-ladie: ah...pillows... MY LOVE! inside joke with my one friend... **

**inkie pinkie; yeah, I've read Kyteen worships her writing and i don't know about erik...probably...**

**Lilhikki: ... soon you say? i'll try...**

**whatevergirl: yes...innocence... something erik isn't hat framliar with**

**lotr: ...eheehee...**

**emeraldwolf: getting hit uside the head with story ideas is VERY fun**

**Jamy; >...eh... I have no idea what you just said, becuase I'm in spainish class...and I guess that was in german, or something of that sort...**

**luisadeza: it was mena wasn't it? I was kinda depressed when I wrote it so... I think I'm feelign better now..and I'll try nto to take so long. **

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Chapter Four 

(erik)

The music WAS dead... wasn't it? Had this boy really brought it back? Or was it just a lie... Like so much had been? So much...

I promised myself I would never think of that again, so why was I? Damnit, what about this boy made me think things I never thought possible to think, to feel, to want to feel? I never tried to reach your Eden. Looks like I've found it anyway.

Wouldhe stop lookign atme like that? With those hopefull eyes, mouth...open... NO! I would NOT... I would...not... I would...

Oh hell.

Who was I trying to kid?

Besides myself, who, I might add, was not falling for it.

"Boy."

"Yes?"he looked do damn hopefull... But whatwas hehoping for? That a murder and insaneman would love him? Which he does no- Ok, fine, I give up. Theres no one to act for anymore, besideshim and acting just hurts him.

Now, how do I go about this without losing him? Either to my insanity or through fear. I couldn't do that again. I couldn't. I need someone to hold too much...Too much to lie anymore.

Slowly, without knowing what I was doing, I sang. The words came out slowly at first, but... I was, first and foremost, a musician. At first my words shocked the boy, shocked that I was singing...For him. Though I doubt he knew who I sang for.

Did it matter? ...Yes. It mattered very much. To me, at any rate.

(raoul)

He, Erik, sang. But he just told me how the music had died? Had I brought it back? No, that wasn't possible. Maybe when he'd said it was gone he was lieing... Then why was he singing now? It didn't make any sence! Yet, I could hear his voice agian, the very thing that made me love him in the first place... It was so beautiful... I was falling all over again. Such a wondeful, painful feeling.

When Erik finally stopped, I couldn't help myself. There was notihng I could do to stop it. Of course, when I found him actully returning the second kiss I ever gave him- though I've dreamed of thousands more- I swear that I'd died, or that this was just another dream...

(erik)

Well. So much for not falling in love. But, it did feel good, for the moment at least. I had a feeling that was goign to change. As long as it last...

Paradise... Eden... God... Religion... Eden... You...

It wasn't until you started moving so that I was pressed against the bed that I broke out of my trance. "What?" I yulped, surprised.

The vicomte jerked back. "I...uh...I... Sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," I muttered before fleeing through the window. WHat the hell? I couldn't stay there... It... I... Just no. I would never go looking for the boy again.

Or so I kept telling myself. I would. Not.

(raoul)

What did I do? What made him leave?

_Did you ever think of me,  
As your best friend.  
Did I ever think of you,  
I'm not complaining._

I never tried to feel.  
I never tried to feel.  
This vibration.  
I never tried to reach.  
I never tried to reach.  
Your eden.

(Your eden. Your eden.)

Did I ever think of you,  
As my enemy.  
Did you ever think of me,  
I'm complaining.

I never tried to feel.  
I never tried to feel.  
This vibration.  
I never tried to reach.  
I never tried to reach.  
Your eden.

(Your eden. Your eden.)

I never tried to feel.  
I never tried to ...  
(Your eden.) 

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**worst day EVER, so I had to write something. Its not over yet! but i felt like being very evil so i was... So yeah... at school, i'm getting sexually harassed. What fun. Review? PLEASE? it'll make me feel better... and if you vote at that awards thing mentioned in last chap. Ungodly short chap. oh well. Song Eden by sarah brightman...have been listening to it while writing this, though it went with chap. Think of it as what erik was singing. **


	8. Chapter Five

**j752572 : ...O.O well... thats an intersting idea...**

**Jamy: thank you, and I have actully... SO that worked out well. It was funny when you wrote in german... I just wish i could understand it...**

**Luisadeza: Yeah, my friends are helping, so is my dad actully... Glad Erik is coming out belevable... And isn't the Dairy of an Erik great? ah...to be able to write humor...I wonder what that must be like...**

**whatevergirl: i love it when people are talkign to themselves, its so much fun! I do it all the time...**

**lotr; hm... the verson we're doing? I didn't even think about that... yuo are going to kill me when we do it... i am so evil to Erik aren't i?**

**inkie pinkie: the song is from the sarah brightman cd Eden I believe it's called... **

**Thank you to everyone who asked me how i was doing and stuff, it made me feel so much better XD **

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Chapter Five

(erik)

And we were abck to punjabing paper. What a sorry mess my life had become... All becuase of that damn vicomte actully... It was all his fault! Hishishishishis! It was not in any way my fault.

Exaept that it was I who wanted t hold him like I knew he wanted to hold me and to never let go, no matter what happened. What the hell was I doing? Why did I run away from him? Because of that damn man, years ago. Of what he almost did and the fear that still lingers.

It wasn't the boy's fault at all, my fleeing. It was a man dead long years. I couldn't go back, I couldn't. Why not?

Becuase if I go back that means I can never leave again. And I do not want to be hurt again like that. I don't want to deal with the pain.

Does the reward not outweigh the pain?

I don't know, because I have never had to make that choice. In the past, at least, it was otherwise. For no reward came to me.

(raoul)

What ddi I do? What happened? I thought it had all been going so well, for the first time since I saw him, it was going well. Nothing was wrong. Then he fled. What did I do?

What did I do?

(erik)

Go back, or stay here endlessly, thinking of what might have been. And what would I do if he too bbroke me? For this would be the final straw, Christine almost did, but I am whole still. IF he...if he were to... Then I would curl up under some deep, dark rock and die. For there would no longer be reason to live. Yet, what if he did not? What if he truly loved me and would not hurt me? Could I stand that after so many years of agony and solitude?

What was I going to do?

(third)

Erik paced, angerly, confused, not knowing what he was suposed to do.

To leave or to stay? Whichever he chose, it would be an ending. One would lead to the final end, another could to a new beginning.

For the second time that night, he threw the cloak back on and stormed to the upper world. What he was going to do, he had no idea. But he was going to do something. Anything.

He reached the vicomte's house, and his odd eyes strayed to the window he'd already entered, and left. Still there was the light there. The vicomte must be as confused as he.

Scaling the wall with no dificulty, he finds the window still open, and the boy still sitting on the bed, eyes glazed, starring at the window in shock. "Did you miss me, boy?"

The eyse snapped to focus, and the boy gazed at the Phantom in shock, not believing what he was seeing. "You...you left," he gasped.

"Well, I'm back."

"This is a dream, this must be a dream."

"Do yuo want it to be nothing more?"

"NO!"

"Then it's not."

"It has to be. Why would you come back?"

"Because I'm as unsure as you are?"

"Impossible. You're the great Phantom of the Opera, the Opera Ghost, the O.G. You always know what you're doing. What you want."

"What if a boy changed that?" Erik had been comign closer with every word, and know he was standing over the boy. Gently, a hand reached out to lightly touch his face.

"This is a dream."

"No, it isn't."

"It has to be..."

"No one can say what 'has to be.'"

"It's impossible..."

"Nothing is impossible.."

Slowly the two had been inching closer, until finally they were kissing.

(raoul)

How had this happened? Why the freak as I asking any questions anyway? he was here, dream or no dream, he was here, and that's all I needed. This was all I needed, this kiss, this touch, this.

(erik)

I think I could get used to this feeling, of for once in my life being held. He was soft too. There was nothing hard about this boy. He was the light to my night, the words to my music. Raoul was everything I needed. For now, for a long time. And for once, I was not afraid. He who hurt me was pushed away and finally forgotten. All I had and needed was right here. Here, with a boy the color of sunlight and who was soft.

What did he see in me? I don't know, and I'm still not sure.

Not even years later when we've somehow still managed this life. I still hide out in my basement, but it it in a different house. The old opera house had crashed and burned,. and someday may be rebulit, but for now I live somewhere else, somewhere were sunlight and night meld and meet.

I reached the only Eden I'll ever need.

All the fear has left me now  
I'm not frightened anymore  
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh  
it's my mouth that pushes out this breath

and if I shed a tear I won't cage it  
I won't fear love  
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it  
I won't fear love

Companion to our demons  
they will dance, and we will play  
With chairs, candles, and cloth  
making darkness in the day  
It will be easy to look in or out  
upstream or down without a thought

and if I shed a tear I won't cage it  
I won't fear love  
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it  
I won't fear love

Peace in the struggle  
to find peace  
comfort on the way  
to comfort

and if I shed a tear I won't cage it  
I won't fear love  
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it  
I won't fear love  
I won't fear love  
I won't fear love...

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**i awlays get this really weird feeling when i end a story. Wel, 2, one that no one will liek the ending and also shockt hat i just finished. I never mean to finish it, the end just creeps up on me... it happy too. Hm... must have needed soemthing happy after the last story ending i wrote, which was sad. FLUFFY ENDING! WAH-WHO! review? please? Song fumbling towards ecstay by sarah McLachlan**


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